but sometimes i think i love BASSET HOUND more.

hahas.

hearts me. hearts yous.

i was confused for a few days since last week. especially since prom that day. it felt so weird. i had been feeling, like, crying-but-yous-can't-cry, that kinda of feeling? or rather, i forced myself not to cry because i wanted to be strong? just like how those people do. they just move on with life. maybe i am being a crybaby now that i am complaining about life when i had alot of better great deal things to deal with. i had so much things to go and cherish for? i had, yes i had. i shouldn't be complaining that about how unlucky i were. i am lucky. i am. i am a lucky girl who get to dye her hair by her mummy, to get to stay over at chalet and camp, and had a handphone to communicate with people, though i don't have a pretty face, but i have a properly-functioned body. i should be thankful aye? i should let go of things which made me sad aye? i should right? i shouldn't be... i was worried sick for almost everything. i dreamt everything that i thought of during the day. i dreamt basically murders that took place. its pretty torturous... hurhur. friendship, learn how to cherish, because i don't always have great friends that will be around yous and teach yous what to do. but some, they took yous for granted, or don't return calls, or i don't know, rude? i don't know. they don't listen to yous, what yous got to say. for boyfriend, i just broke ups. boy, i guess this is the best way for yous and i. i think yous should take sometime to calm down. i don't know what is love anymore. i mean, it was a hurtful ending. but we have to grow ups. i wouldn't say i don't want to marry yous, not today, not tomorrow either, but i didn't say not in the future, we will get better, and we, will change for the better? maybe we will. maybe we won't. yous, are a great guy who needs a loving girlfriend to be by your side. i am not good enough for yous. i , don't really deserve yous. i know i can't live without yous but i have to. we kept quarreling. maybe we take a few months or weeks break? maybe. anyways, i will be working and going on holidays and be away from s'pore. i am sorry. i know yous ain't hurt from the breakup, yous are just not used to someone not being there, but i am not magnanimous enough to always give in. i don't know how to explain. its the basic communication that we were lacked off from the beginning... and, yous didn't asked for patch. i don't know what's on your mind. and if yous said yous did asked indirectly for me, well, i wasn't touched. i mean, i sense sincerity, but i couldn't see much action taken. i am really confused by your actions. call me, and talk nicely, not later threw temper at me, and i have to apologized, and behind the scenes over the phone, i have to silently cry and not to let yous know because i know that yous wouldn't like it, and i know yous would get frustrated and confused. and i would never wanna make yous upset, i want yous to be happy. i want yous to smile like how before we got together. i know it had been a stressful 2 years for yous. i know. yous had to put ups much of my nonsense. i mean, like, thank yous for making me grow ups throughout these 2 years. i had became a better girl. not as bitchy as what i was in sec1 and sec2. and always, come to my rescue whenever i got bullied, in sec3. in sec4, it had been heaven, haven, and hell for me, and this was also, of course part and parcel of my life, however, i know, my tears always confused yous, yous must be sometime thinking that i am crying because of yous or that i am crying for the friendship problem that i am going through? did yous baby? yous did aye. babyboy, let it go and lets be good friends and know each other over again, then maybe we will become lover someday again. for now, i had the fear of yous losing temper, one of the things i feared most was people throwing tantrum at me and ghost and perverts. yea. i was sorry that i didn't listen to yous for alot of things , like going clubbing and all, but i didn't go in. like i went drinking with friends. maybe i was immature. maybe i was naive. maybe i was, stupid. yea. i was stupid. and that, i was, alot alot alot more childish than most of your girl-friends. they  are all very pretty. they are. they are tall sexy and skinny and  trendy. i don't like to follow trends. i love wearing cartoon t-shirts to take mrt. i love tying 2 ponytails to go to orchard. i love wearing track shoes to skipped around my void deck. i love playing in the rain, or roll in the mud to get myself dirty. i love to indulge myself in books and read them over a 100times. thats me. i love romantic stuffs. i love more of designers clothes than those of topman and topshop and zara. maybe i would love them, but i couldn't afford them cause i ain't well off. i am not like those girls who had sharp nose and big eyes to glister, and made yous dream about them. i don't have that figure to satisfy yous. i don't have that slim thigh to seduce yous or to keep yous happy. i don't have a pretty face. i love myself in bangs, as i don't have to comb my hair that often, and it was easy. i don't have to blow my hair. i don't have to cover my eyes and face the world with only one eye. maybe when i grow taller and older, i would hate bangs by then? but now no. i don't have the ability to make yous remember things that we did together, apparently, i failed miserably, cause almost each time i asked if if yous remembered something, yous said yous forgot or yous don't remember them, then i got so upset. yea. and i think your bro didn't like me that much, as in, welcome me, as a family. the hostility put me off. i got scared. i don't know. i don't know. i love myself more than anybody does. thats why i didn't bear to cut myself or slit myself to bleed myself to death, or jump down and just end my life. i love to take photos, till now i think yous still couldn't figure me out whys i love to take photos so much, now i tell yous, to let yous understand another part of me, i love to take photos because, i will always smile and looked happy in them. or at least, in vanity, i think i looked good. yea. i mean, i can't do anything good. i am not good i drawing nor cooking nor baking, or anything. i can only talk to yous, tell yous millions of stories, or share with yous my life experience and tell yous what i read from a book earlier on. like, i would tell yous the story of three little pigs or about Cinderella and how she found her glass slipper in  the end and live happily ever after. i know i sound like someone ancient. maybe i was. i love being traditional. i remembered when yous chided me and said my mummy was being traditional, ohs baby, even in this century, i still think that guys should be the one taking initiative made more sense than girls taking the first steps. i didn't like it when i have to do things by me starting first. maybe i left the impression that i no longer care because of that i don't text yous first, but because i grew tired of it. it was a living nightmare initially. i don't know how to explain. i have to racked ups my brain to text new stuffs, but i ran out of topic and then i finally gave up. and thats when everything started to crash. and thats when yous went clubbing, yous claimed that yous didn't do anything, okays, i believed yous. okays, i would love to try and go clubbing someday. and we were almost living in different worlds. different. i didn't understand your hokkien language half of the time, and the other half, your vulgarities exchange between your friends, and slowly, it flew to my face from yous, and thats when i got very scared of my future. i don't want someone like that. i don't want. i mean, yea, either i change to give in to yous, to accept your flaws of all these or, yous change, but neither of us were willing to compromise, so how? i also don't know. i don't have the strength to fight. yous told me yous were very sian, but i don't understand, what's sian? was it sian=tired or sian=bored? i couldn't tell. and i didn't asked. i mean, i asked quite a couple of times, but your answers were basically, sian=nothing to do=boring? i don't know. typing all these i teared along on my keyboard. maybe others couldn't understand what i am going through now. this ain't pms or anything. is just that i am confused about love. i needa break, a breather, for me to think about. yous didn't tell me that yous loved me, so i take it as no.

 

but sometimes i think i love BASSET HOUND more.

hahas.

hearts me. hearts yous.

i was confused for a few days since last week. especially since prom that day. it felt so weird. i had been feeling, like, crying-but-yous-can't-cry, that kinda of feeling? or rather, i forced myself not to cry because i wanted to be strong? just like how those people do. they just move on with life. maybe i am being a crybaby now that i am complaining about life when i had alot of better great deal things to deal with. i had so much things to go and cherish for? i had, yes i had. i shouldn't be complaining that about how unlucky i were. i am lucky. i am. i am a lucky girl who get to dye her hair by her mummy, to get to stay over at chalet and camp, and had a handphone to communicate with people, though i don't have a pretty face, but i have a properly-functioned body. i should be thankful aye? i should let go of things which made me sad aye? i should right? i shouldn't be... i was worried sick for almost everything. i dreamt everything that i thought of during the day. i dreamt basically murders that took place. its pretty torturous... hurhur. friendship, learn how to cherish, because i don't always have great friends that will be around yous and teach yous what to do. but some, they took yous for granted, or don't return calls, or i don't know, rude? i don't know. they don't listen to yous, what yous got to say. for boyfriend, i just broke ups. boy, i guess this is the best way for yous and i. i think yous should take sometime to calm down. i don't know what is love anymore. i mean, it was a hurtful ending. but we have to grow ups. i wouldn't say i don't want to marry yous, not today, not tomorrow either, but i didn't say not in the future, we will get better, and we, will change for the better? maybe we will. maybe we won't. yous, are a great guy who needs a loving girlfriend to be by your side. i am not good enough for yous. i , don't really deserve yous. i know i can't live without yous but i have to. we kept quarreling. maybe we take a few months or weeks break? maybe. anyways, i will be working and going on holidays and be away from s'pore. i am sorry. i know yous ain't hurt from the breakup, yous are just not used to someone not being there, but i am not magnanimous enough to always give in. i don't know how to explain. its the basic communication that we were lacked off from the beginning... and, yous didn't asked for patch. i don't know what's on your mind. and if yous said yous did asked indirectly for me, well, i wasn't touched. i mean, i sense sincerity, but i couldn't see much action taken. i am really confused by your actions. call me, and talk nicely, not later threw temper at me, and i have to apologized, and behind the scenes over the phone, i have to silently cry and not to let yous know because i know that yous wouldn't like it, and i know yous would get frustrated and confused. and i would never wanna make yous upset, i want yous to be happy. i want yous to smile like how before we got together. i know it had been a stressful 2 years for yous. i know. yous had to put ups much of my nonsense. i mean, like, thank yous for making me grow ups throughout these 2 years. i had became a better girl. not as bitchy as what i was in sec1 and sec2. and always, come to my rescue whenever i got bullied, in sec3. in sec4, it had been heaven, haven, and hell for me, and this was also, of course part and parcel of my life, however, i know, my tears always confused yous, yous must be sometime thinking that i am crying because of yous or that i am crying for the friendship problem that i am going through? did yous baby? yous did aye. babyboy, let it go and lets be good friends and know each other over again, then maybe we will become lover someday again. for now, i had the fear of yous losing temper, one of the things i feared most was people throwing tantrum at me and ghost and perverts. yea. i was sorry that i didn't listen to yous for alot of things , like going clubbing and all, but i didn't go in. like i went drinking with friends. maybe i was immature. maybe i was naive. maybe i was, stupid. yea. i was stupid. and that, i was, alot alot alot more childish than most of your girl-friends. they  are all very pretty. they are. they are tall sexy and skinny and  trendy. i don't like to follow trends. i love wearing cartoon t-shirts to take mrt. i love tying 2 ponytails to go to orchard. i love wearing track shoes to skipped around my void deck. i love playing in the rain, or roll in the mud to get myself dirty. i love to indulge myself in books and read them over a 100times. thats me. i love romantic stuffs. i love more of designers clothes than those of topman and topshop and zara. maybe i would love them, but i couldn't afford them cause i ain't well off. i am not like those girls who had sharp nose and big eyes to glister, and made yous dream about them. i don't have that figure to satisfy yous. i don't have that slim thigh to seduce yous or to keep yous happy. i don't have a pretty face. i love myself in bangs, as i don't have to comb my hair that often, and it was easy. i don't have to blow my hair. i don't have to cover my eyes and face the world with only one eye. maybe when i grow taller and older, i would hate bangs by then? but now no. i don't have the ability to make yous remember things that we did together, apparently, i failed miserably, cause almost each time i asked if if yous remembered something, yous said yous forgot or yous don't remember them, then i got so upset. yea. and i think your bro didn't like me that much, as in, welcome me, as a family. the hostility put me off. i got scared. i don't know. i don't know. i love myself more than anybody does. thats why i didn't bear to cut myself or slit myself to bleed myself to death, or jump down and just end my life. i love to take photos, till now i think yous still couldn't figure me out whys i love to take photos so much, now i tell yous, to let yous understand another part of me, i love to take photos because, i will always smile and looked happy in them. or at least, in vanity, i think i looked good. yea. i mean, i can't do anything good. i am not good i drawing nor cooking nor baking, or anything. i can only talk to yous, tell yous millions of stories, or share with yous my life experience and tell yous what i read from a book earlier on. like, i would tell yous the story of three little pigs or about Cinderella and how she found her glass slipper in  the end and live happily ever after. i know i sound like someone ancient. maybe i was. i love being traditional. i remembered when yous chided me and said my mummy was being traditional, ohs baby, even in this century, i still think that guys should be the one taking initiative made more sense than girls taking the first steps. i didn't like it when i have to do things by me starting first. maybe i left the impression that i no longer care because of that i don't text yous first, but because i grew tired of it. it was a living nightmare initially. i don't know how to explain. i have to racked ups my brain to text new stuffs, but i ran out of topic and then i finally gave up. and thats when everything started to crash. and thats when yous went clubbing, yous claimed that yous didn't do anything, okays, i believed yous. okays, i would love to try and go clubbing someday. and we were almost living in different worlds. different. i didn't understand your hokkien language half of the time, and the other half, your vulgarities exchange between your friends, and slowly, it flew to my face from yous, and thats when i got very scared of my future. i don't want someone like that. i don't want. i mean, yea, either i change to give in to yous, to accept your flaws of all these or, yous change, but neither of us were willing to compromise, so how? i also don't know. i don't have the strength to fight. yous told me yous were very sian, but i don't understand, what's sian? was it sian=tired or sian=bored? i couldn't tell. and i didn't asked. i mean, i asked quite a couple of times, but your answers were basically, sian=nothing to do=boring? i don't know. typing all these i teared along on my keyboard. maybe others couldn't understand what i am going through now. this ain't pms or anything. is just that i am confused about love. i needa break, a breather, for me to think about. yous didn't tell me that yous loved me, so i take it as no.